It has literally been years since my last published blog post. I haven't blogged regularly since I started my previous full-time job, which effectively disrupted my entire life and wellbeing. Coincidentally, that is one of my inspirations to write this post.
The Fall
The story starts around 2015-2018, but I'm going to skip forward to Halloween night, 2022. As a traditional Halloween activity, I did a spirit board session late in the evening to ask for a word of general advice. The message I got was, "Figure out why you expect [your employer] to get wiser." (Name withheld to protect the innocent.)
For years at that point, I had been struggling to figure out a way to carry the burden I had been assigned. The eternal optimist in me kept thinking that things would eventually improve and I would be able to succeed in my role. The spirits' message helped me to reconsider, especially after what happened in the following month.
It was a year ago now -- give or take a few days -- that my mental health hit a low not seen in decades, if ever. My friends know I feel and express genuine gratitude for the countless blessings in my life, as they always outnumber and outweigh any negatives. I smile and laugh more than any other emotive expression, and it's authentic. So, when I sunk to a point where it felt like the positives were being ground to dust by the negatives, I knew something was really wrong. It just isn't me to think that way. It was more than a subjective perception; I could model it mathematically.
My best efforts, my hardest work, my longest hours, my most careful planning, my most productive days...none of that could make a dent in the mountain I was under.
Rock Bottom
My futile efforts resulted in the sacrifice of my health, relationships, education, and professional goals. I knew this all along, but one day in November 2022, it all hit me at once. I realized that the best possible outcome I could hope for would be to just barely stay caught up, and sacrifice everything to do so. That was the best case, though still horrible, and I couldn't achieve it.
Feeling utterly defeated, with my life's dreams but a distant memory, I cried for two days straight. I had never been further from where I wanted to be, and the path back to it was completely obscured by the circumstances in which I found myself.
The Rebound
It was at that point that I prayed, putting a heartfelt desire out to the universe, for a solution. Trusting in God as I do, I wasn't about to dictate the form of that solution. I simply asked for my life to be in a more balanced alignment, in whatever form that might take. I said, "If you want me to continue toward my original goals, please show me a way."
I watched for things at work to improve as a result of this. They didn't.
However, I did start seeing job postings looking for people with my qualifications. I also had lunch with an advisory board partner who practically offered me a job on the spot. I didn't take it (yet), but it was a flattering surprise that felt synchronistic. Also, my part-time employer (which is the best I've ever had), opened up a full-time, temporary position for someone just like me. This is the role I have now -- temporary, but absolutely worth the gamble.
TL;DR: Finally Getting to the Point
The point of this story is that no matter how bad things look, it's never hopeless. We live in a loving, supportive universe that responds to us if we just clarify our needs and ask. Prayer works. Gratitude fuels it. After struggling for years, my solution came fairly quickly once I clarified my desire and directly asked for it. Signs began appearing within a few days, and within a couple months, I could begin in earnest my path to salvation. Now I can hardly relate to the broken, defeated man I was just one year ago, and I'm grateful.
Yes, I am thankful for all of this and so much more.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
