End of One Era, Start of Another

Today, May 17, 2024, is a big day in my career trajectory.  This day marks the end of my original one-year, temporary, full-time faculty contract at College of DuPage (COD).  This is the end of one of the biggest gambles I have ever taken, stepping down from tenure at Triton College to be a temp at COD.  It seems like a good time to answer a frequently asked question, which takes many forms but essentially boils down to something like this:

"I thought you loved Triton College.  Why make the switch?"

I do love Triton, and I'm not leaving entirely.  But sometimes difficult decisions must be made for the sake of one's career and overall wellbeing.  There are good reasons why I gave up a secure, tenured position -- with outstanding benefits -- for a temporary one with no certain future.  

On the surface, there are some clear and easy ones, such as a substantial increase in income and a shorter, simpler, safer commute.

Digging a little deeper reveals more reasons:  a merciful escape from the infeasible responsibility that derailed my career, an opportunity to become part of a dedicated, supportive team rather than flying solo, and a great deal of autonomy and flexibility in establishing my schedule.

But at the real heart of the matter is this:  Triton's CIS programs are barely a fit for my expertise, while the CIS department at COD thoroughly embraces it.

At Triton, I was continually at risk of not meeting my required teaching load hours.  There aren't many software development courses there, and the few they have are often cancelled due to low enrollment.  I even created an all-new software development degree to compete with other similar institutions, give some of our courses a more suitable home, and create a space where I could fit in and contribute more meaningfully.  However, this program has yet to really take off.  Demand appears to be lower than I was led to believe through both qualitative and quantitative sources.

On the other hand, the Computer and Information Science department at College of DuPage completely centers around software development and game development -- my two great loves.  There is no shortage of classes, so I will never run the risk of not meeting my load.  In fact, I was overloaded last fall due to taking over sections that didn't have faculty.  My time at Triton hindered my software work and completely severed me from my game dev side, and COD puts me in constant contact with these.

So, while Triton may occasionally let me glimpse my happy place from a distance, COD lets me live immersed in it.  This is the real essence of why I took the risk and swapped my full-time and adjunct statuses with these two great colleges.

What does the future hold?

I will have a full-time, tenure-track position at COD starting in August.  In less than two years from now, I'll have tenure in a department where I am a natural fit rather than a tangential one.  My career has already begun recovery, as have my physical and mental health.  

Life is good and getting better!

2023 Wrap-Up

Wow.  It was five years ago that I last posted an end-of-year wrap-up.  It is no coincidence that it was also the last time I took a break from my job without repercussions.

2023 has been an incredible year.  I escaped an unfeasible employment situation and raised my income in the process. I regained some autonomy in my career, and with it, some hope.  My overall wellbeing has improved immeasurably, and I am profoundly grateful.

Though I didn't blog my goalsetting efforts this year, I nevertheless set goals as I always do.  Here's how they turned out, in terms of letter grades.

Physical Health
Walking and biking distance goal	A (97%)
Weight loss goal	A (100%)
Financial Health
Savings/debt goal	F (30%)
Improve cashflow	A (Pass/Fail)
Life Balance
Reading goal	A (96%)
Video game frequency goal	A (100%)
Video game completion goal	F (Pass/Fail)
Board/card game goal	A (100%)
Jigsaw puzzle goal	A (100%)
Professional Development
Make a plan for completing Ph.D.	F (10%)
Complete Unity Essentials Pathway	F (33%)
Complete Unity Junior Programmer Pathway	F (0%)
Complete card interpreter project	B (80%)
Complete game concierge project	C (70%)
Hobby Projects
Rebase Mansions of Madness monster miniatures	A (100%)
Paint Star Wars blaster replicas	F (10%)
Assemble Area 51 model	F (10%)
Make a custom Ghostbusters dice tower	A (100%)
Build a Mansions of Madness map tile organizer	A (100%)

The coming year's goals will include many of the same things. Some will be revised or refined. I'm working on it!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

A Time of Thanksgiving and Reflection

It has literally been years since my last published blog post. I haven't blogged regularly since I started my previous full-time job, which effectively disrupted my entire life and wellbeing.  Coincidentally, that is one of my inspirations to write this post.

The Fall

The story starts around 2015-2018, but I'm going to skip forward to Halloween night, 2022.  As a traditional Halloween activity, I did a spirit board session late in the evening to ask for a word of general advice. The message I got was, "Figure out why you expect [your employer] to get wiser." (Name withheld to protect the innocent.)

For years at that point, I had been struggling to figure out a way to carry the burden I had been assigned. The eternal optimist in me kept thinking that things would eventually improve and I would be able to succeed in my role.  The spirits' message helped me to reconsider, especially after what happened in the following month.

It was a year ago now -- give or take a few days -- that my mental health hit a low not seen in decades, if ever.  My friends know I feel and express genuine gratitude for the countless blessings in my life, as they always outnumber and outweigh any negatives.  I smile and laugh more than any other emotive expression, and it's authentic.  So, when I sunk to a point where it felt like the positives were being ground to dust by the negatives, I knew something was really wrong.  It just isn't me to think that way.  It was more than a subjective perception; I could model it mathematically.

My best efforts, my hardest work, my longest hours, my most careful planning, my most productive days...none of that could make a dent in the mountain I was under.

Rock Bottom

My futile efforts resulted in the sacrifice of my health, relationships, education, and professional goals.  I knew this all along, but one day in November 2022, it all hit me at once.  I realized that the best possible outcome I could hope for would be to just barely stay caught up, and sacrifice everything to do so.  That was the best case, though still horrible, and I couldn't achieve it.  

Feeling utterly defeated, with my life's dreams but a distant memory, I cried for two days straight.  I had never been further from where I wanted to be, and the path back to it was completely obscured by the circumstances in which I found myself.

The Rebound

It was at that point that I prayed, putting a heartfelt desire out to the universe, for a solution.  Trusting in God as I do, I wasn't about to dictate the form of that solution.  I simply asked for my life to be in a more balanced alignment, in whatever form that might take.  I said, "If you want me to continue toward my original goals, please show me a way."

I watched for things at work to improve as a result of this.  They didn't.

However, I did start seeing job postings looking for people with my qualifications.  I also had lunch with an advisory board partner who practically offered me a job on the spot.  I didn't take it (yet), but it was a flattering surprise that felt synchronistic.  Also, my part-time employer (which is the best I've ever had), opened up a full-time, temporary position for someone just like me.  This is the role I have now -- temporary, but absolutely worth the gamble.

TL;DR: Finally Getting to the Point

The point of this story is that no matter how bad things look, it's never hopeless. We live in a loving, supportive universe that responds to us if we just clarify our needs and ask.  Prayer works.  Gratitude fuels it.  After struggling for years, my solution came fairly quickly once I clarified my desire and directly asked for it.  Signs began appearing within a few days, and within a couple months, I could begin in earnest my path to salvation.  Now I can hardly relate to the broken, defeated man I was just one year ago, and I'm grateful.

Yes, I am thankful for all of this and so much more.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

More Randonautica Fun

This is a quick post about two more Randonautica intentions just so I don't forget about them.

Yesterday's Trip Broke My "Pattern"

Yesterday, while my son and I were returning home from a dental appointment, we decided to go randonauting on our way home.  We set the intention of new, hoping to see something new, something being built or created, or something we've never seen before.  The point it generated, an attractor power anomaly, was well inside a golf course, far away from anything we could easily access at the time.  Since we hadn't known about the golf course before this, I suppose you could say it was new to us.  We still have no idea what would have been at the point or in the zone.  I rate the fulfillment of this intention as inconclusive.  It's debatable.

The main reason this is worth mentioning is because it disproves the apparent pattern that I mentioned in my last post.  Our first experiences with Randonautica seemed to always give us attractors at familiar, well-traveled spots, and voids took us to new and unfamiliar places.  This breaks the pattern, as I don't play golf and will likely never set foot on this golf course.  Therefore, this was an attractor at an unfamiliar and highly unlikely place.

Today's Google Maps Randonauting

Today, my kid was playing with my phone and he opened Randonautica.  He set the intention of fun and generated a point.  The point it generated was another void, but was in easy walking distance of our house.  Since we didn't have time for a walk at the moment, we decided to check out the spot on Google Maps just out of curiosity.

The exact location of the point it generated, with the intention of fun, was someone's backyard swimming pool.  Because of thick foliage along the street side, it was only barely visible from street view, but on the overhead map, it was precisely the exact location generated by Randonautica.  Wow!  Intention clearly fulfilled!

Early Adventures in Randonauting

I am grateful at the moment that this blog has no regular readers, as I have now gone more than a year without writing a post.  It's a shame, really, because I love to write, share information, organize my thoughts, record my experiences, and benefit from so many aspects of such journaling.  

I recently found a good use for a personal blog, however.  My nine-year-old son Avery and I have recently discovered Randonautica, and our first experiences have convinced me that it might be worth documenting our outings to gain a better understanding of how this whole thing works.  At the very least, it'll be a good log of our adventures.

Our First Randonauting Adventure

We tried it for the first time a few weeks ago.  Although it gave us an enjoyable walk around our neighborhood on a beautiful spring day, the significance of the anomaly was inconclusive.  I let Avery set the intention and he chose weird.  "I want to see something weird," he said.  I would have objected to this intention on the basis that it is subjective, and therefore anything we see could be judged as "weird" by someone.  But since it was our first time out on Randonautica, I went along with it.

The first time we tried to generate a point, we chose the smallest possible radius of one mile centered on our home and asked for an attractor.  The app said it was unable to locate any anomalies in the area.

So then we increased the radius a little and again asked the app to give us an attractor.  This time, it found one after a lengthy delay.  The anomaly was centered on a house just slightly more than a mile from ours.  We walked to it and circled the block it was on, as much of the block was included in the anomaly's radius.  However, we found nothing that jumped out to us as "weird".  There was a downspout attached strangely to the corner of one house, and some awkward-looking backyard fences, but these weren't exactly the mind-bending experiences we had expected or hoped for.  Still, it was a fun walk and good quality time with my kiddo.

Our Second Randonauting Adventure

Yesterday we decided to take a short break from our work (my job and his school) to enjoy another beautiful spring day.  He and I had already been discussing possible intentions, and he had decided that our next intention would be animals.  Wildlife is abundant in our area, so this seemed like a sure thing regardless of any quantum random anomalies.

This time, I requested a power anomaly within a five-mile radius from home.  It gave me a void anomaly that was nearby, but on a street of which I had never even heard.  I didn't know this road nor its neighborhood even existed.

As we drove, Avery said he was hoping to see any animals, but he kept thinking of rabbits and cats. When we arrived in the area, we didn't see any animals other than the plentiful population of birds who are always around everywhere.  A nearby house had Easter bunny decorations in its front yard, but we weren't sure if that counted, since Easter is less than a week away at this point and bunny decor is certainly not hard to come by.

Near the exact center of the anomaly, however, was a bank of mailboxes where a flyer about a lost cat was posted.  That felt significant to us, partly because it was near the exact center of the anomaly, and partly because we sympathized with the family who lost their beloved pet.

Our Third(?) Randonauting Adventure

After the discovery of the lost cat flyer, we still had a little more time before we needed to be back home, so we decided to set one more intention.  Keeping the same five-mile radius, the kiddo set the intention of big. We again asked for a power anomaly, and again, we got a void on a road we didn't recognize.

The point ended up being at the far east edge of a huge and gorgeous cemetery whose existence was completely unknown to us.  At this point, there were several things that could be considered "big," such as a big, huge bush behind a big, tall, majestic statue on a big, massive stone slab overlooking this big, sprawling cemetery.

My Thoughts Thus Far

Given my always-on, conscious connection to spirit and the whole field of potentiality, one might think it may be difficult for Randonautica's synchronicities to really impress me. Nevertheless, it certainly appears that the app -- or the quantum random number generator from which it draws its data -- works as advertised.  I look forward to gaining more experience and familiarity with it over time.

One final thought that may be worth noting:  When the app identified an attractor, it was right on a major street that I traverse frequently.  When it identified the two voids, they were both in places that were nearby but completely unfamiliar to me.  Both were places that I was extremely unlikely to discover on my own for any reason.  One was a dead-end street in a neighborhood I didn't even know existed.  The other was the far edge of a cemetery I didn't know about, and I was tempted at several points to turn around since it looked like the roads were about to end. If not for Randonautica and Google Maps, I would never have driven that way on those extremely narrow roads even if I had discovered the cemetery on my own.  I am eager to see if these relationships between attractors and voids is repeatable or just an arbitrary coincidence.

We'll be Randonauting many more times and I'll report all about it right here. Stay tuned!

2019 Wrap-Up

Here we are at the end of 2019 and the end of the decade.  There is so much to say about how this entire decade has gone that I can barely summarize it.  When this decade started, I had a different set of job responsibilities, a lower level of education, a different set of pets (April and Hiko have been my only constants), a smaller circle of friends, a different house, and no children.  In nearly every way, my life has improved dramatically.  My career has advanced in so many ways, I have more degrees and certifications now, more friends, a dream house, and best of all, I now have my son Avery.  What a ride!  As I said in my Thanksgiving post, it is simply impossible to count my blessings because there are far too many.

The main point of this post, however, is to reflect on my goals for the year and see how they ended up.  The following table is the one that I posted at the beginning of the year but with progress updates.

Goals	Status	Notes
Continue to improve my physical health. I will walk 1,000 miles as measured by the pedometer on my phone and Google Maps. I will improve my flexibility and balance through brief daily and longer monthly activities. I will monitor and chart the progress toward my ideal body weight.	About 1/3 successful	As of December 26, my estimated walking distance passed 1,000 miles. (Success!) I have been doing minor stretching, but nothing near what I had intended. (Half a success.) My body weight spiked a few months ago and has since begun to come down, but I am still a few pounds heavier than when the year started. (Failure.)
Continue to improve my financial health by saving a specific amount between all of my accounts.	Success	I have reached my savings goal.  I'm setting a higher one next year.
Read 50 books.	Success	Thanks in large part to audio books and long commutes, I have far surpassed this goal.
Play 50 games.	Success	I have played all the following games and more at least once this year: Sequence Play Nine Bacterial Takeover Clicker Heroes Word Stacks Phrase Wheel Cat Robot Defense Old Maid Go Fish Ghostbusters: The Board Game Gauntlet:  Slayer Edition Overcooked Star Wars Battlefront Diablo III Castle Crashers Zen Idle Ghostbusters VR Power Painter Battleheart Portal Cat Quest Job Simulator Vacation Simulator Galaga Bridge Constructor Portal Ball Blast Clash of Blocks 5-Minute Dungeon Brick Breaker Champion Siralim Dig Dug Portal 2 Ghostbusters Blackout Idle Kingdom Clicker Aperture Tag Pac-Man Ticket to Ride Clicker Heroes 2 Space Pirates and Zombies Lost Treasure Smash Hit Payday Deadlock II Ancient Amuletor Endless Legend Kingdom Rush Star Command Polytopia Granny Legend Wii Sports Resort
Complete a Testing Tutor prototype for my dissertation by May.	Failure	For the fourth year in a row, this was a complete failure.  I temporarily dropped out of the program in the fall semester, since my coordinator duties are requiring my complete attention.  I don't know if or when I can resume.  As long as I am coordinator, I cannot foresee this happening.
Play music 50 times.	Failure	I played about three or four times, maybe.  Another huge but unsurprising disappointment.

So, as you can see, it was a largely successful year, though very far from a perfect one. I intend to make 2020 the start of my best decade ever, and it will come with a good set of goals to get the ball rolling.

Thank you, my friends, for your support!

Thanksgiving 2019

It used to be a tradition for me on Thanksgiving to make a blog post enumerating the many things for which I am thankful each year.  I've fallen out of the habit as my life has become far more busy and difficult.  If I were to do it this year, I was expecting it to be far less detailed than usual, due to the severe time constraints.  But fate has given me an opportunity in the form of a long train ride.

Here is a rundown of just some of the things for which I am truly and deeply thankful this year.  I realize it's a bit long, but as Roberto Benigni said, "It is a sign of mediocrity to demonstrate gratitude with moderation."

I am thankful for the abundance of good things in my life, such as...

Abundance of opportunity.  I am thankful to have multiple jobs that I love and countless opportunities to use my position, knowledge, and experience to improve the lives of others.  At the most basic level, this is all I ever wanted.  I'm still working on perfecting the details, but I am grateful for what I have.

Abundance of friends.  Social media keeps me connected with loved ones who are far away, and my varied and numerous job duties have led me to many new friends.  I cannot express enough appreciation for these new friends, many of whom have supported me in substantial ways with my work duties. The mere existence of these people has reminded me that miracles are normal and unexpected blessings can happen every day.

Abundance of money.  Though it rolls in and out like the tides, financial security is a major bright side to the fact that I spend nearly every waking moment working.  I may not have a lot of extra, but I have enough for my family's needs and that's perfect.

Abundance of good influences.  This year has inspired some of the greatest personal growth of my life, which I credit to good friends, good mentors, and good books.

Abundance of love.  All of the previous entries on this list really boil down to one thing -- the constant stream of love that flows through me continually, in and out as regularly as the sunrise.  Love is abundant in all areas of my life and it forms the basis of all my gratitude.

I am thankful for my things, such as...

My house which is my favorite home ever, my car which is my favorite car ever, my bike which is my favorite bike ever, my bass guitars which are my favorite guitars ever, my computers which are my favorite computers ever...and so on, and so on....

Most of all, I am thankful for the amazing people in my life, such as...

Avery for being my best buddy and the coolest kid I know.

Michelle for taking such excellent care of me, Avery, and our home. I honestly don't know how we would get by without her.

Carol Keeth for being my personal nurse consultant when my health isn't great, and one of my very best friends all the time.  I literally cannot enumerate all of the meaningful things she has done for me and my family over the years.

Antigone Sharris for being my mentor and sharing her secrets on how she works the miracles that make her department such a huge success.

Jean Dugo for helping me find the data I need in order to make informed decisions, and for regularly reminding me that I'm never alone and always have someone around to help if I just reach out and ask.

Jennifer Davidson, my new boss, for being a truly motivational leader and a tremendous source of support in times of need. I find that my fear of letting her down far outweighs my fear of any sort of reprimand.

Sandy Poremba, for saving my butt more times than I can count...even as recently as this week!

Rami Salahieh for opening new doors in my career and allowing me to do the same for him. Also for lending mutual support in dealing with the needless frustrations inflicted by our mutual employer (who shall remain nameless for that is contrary to the point of this post).

Dawn Brokaw for being an outstanding long-distance friend.  I never know how to express my appreciation for the tiny morsels of kindness and encouragement that she sprinkles throughout my weeks or our unique, almost sibling-like bond.  I haven't seen her in about 13 years but that fact has done little to hinder our friendship.

Ralph Normington, on the subject of long-distance friends, for remaining my friend even though it sometimes takes me several days to respond to his messages. When an impatient person chooses to be patient with you, that means something!

Steve Santello for the various ways that he has boosted my career over the years, from giving advice to helping me think things through to offering me exciting teaching opportunities.  I can't even count them all.

Natalie Waksmanski for being a great mentee (formerly) and a great friend. I was honored to be a guest at her wedding reception last weekend. I wish her a lifetime of happiness in all areas of her life.

Mary Ann Fleming for her immense generosity.  She has given so much of herself for the good of me, my family, and many others who are fortunate enough to know her. If I lived for 128 years, I would not have enough resources to repay all of her kindness.

Carl Hultquist for bringing decades of love and happiness to my family. His funeral was on Thanksgiving Eve this year.  He will be missed.

If pets are people too, I must include April and Zeena.  April is one of my favorite pets ever and I appreciate her grace, patience, gentleness, elegance, and natural beauty.  She's the biggest and friendliest spider I've ever known and I love her dearly.  I'm still getting to know Zeena, but I already appreciate her impressive physical feats, her adorable timidity, and her gorgeous markings.

As I've written this list, I have realized the utter impossibility of listing everyone for whom I have sincere, heartfelt gratitude.  I could go on all night:  Judy and Roger McVey, Jill LoBianco, Dan Mottert, John Owrey, Mo Habeeb, Rathi Ramakrishnan, Patty Hultquist, Janet and Lloyd Rahn, Karina Martin, Humberto Espino, Tim Nystrom, Eric Morton, Tanvi Bhatt, Deb Baker, Katy McGuinness, Lauren Kosrow, my entire program assessment subcommittee, the group of dedicated faculty who report to me, the many people who support me in my leadership and teaching roles, my treasured extended family, my social media friends...the list goes on and on.  I can't possibly mention everyone!

Perhaps I should just summarize it all with an expression of thanks for the seemingly infinite blessings in my life.  "Count your blessings" is an oft-repeated bit of advice, but mine are too numerous to count.  That's a great problem to have.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!